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Do you need someone compassionate to help you through the challenging issues of your life?
Steve Harris, PhD

Psychologist & Psychotherapy
Individual & Relational Therapy

Emotional Intimacy

Inviting someone into more or into having a deeper connection, can illicit some very difficult to have feelings.  If emotional intimacy is a challenge, you may find that you are profoundly ambivalent, caught between wanting more from the relationship, and being deeply afraid of what happens if you pursue it further (or you are pursued by your partner for it).  When considering whether emotional intimacy is an issue that should be addressed further, consider the following areas:
  • Do you easily become distrustful of others?
  • Feel an aversion to letting someone that you care about becoming closer with you?
  • Do even small requests feel demanding, perhaps smothering to you?
  • Do you avoid even seemingly potentially positive experiences with others, and/or a partner because you are afraid of being hurt?
  • Do you actually push others away when they are trying to become close to you?
  • Do you want to be closer to someone but either are afraid of how much they will need you, and/or afraid of needing someone too much?
  • Were you badly hurt before and now become paralyzed or very avoidant in positive relationships (e.g., old patterns or wounds from relationships interfere)?
  • Do you become so afraid of attachment that you eventually become depressed?
  • Do you find you have a history of, or are currently not able to either have a very serious relationship, or avoid taking relationship further?
  • Have you have gone through periods of blaming people for not being this way or that, but no one ever seems to reach your criteria for a partner.

Some, but not all of these symptoms/behaviors may indicate that you need to work yourself around becoming and maintaining and fostering increased closeness with people.  In spite of the fears it may engender, there are many positive ways to be able to learn to feel increasingly more comfortable and satisfied with closer relationships.

Therapy that focuses upon improving comfort with and satisfaction with emotional intimacy includes:
  • Establishing a safe environment for the exploration of these matters;
  • Discover the roots of your struggles that may be impinging upon present relationships;
  • Learning about what you experience in relationships with your therapist as a kind of "laboratory" to discover and change the ways you relate;
  • Since fears around intimacy can arise from past or other painful associations, learn ways to be more open while maintaining safer boundaries;
  • Learning to have a relationship in therapy that helps you become more comfortable with yourself and, in turn, relate yourself more with others;
  • Learn ways that you short cut intimacy;
  • Discover alternative ways to allow others to be close to you;
  • Explore when having a partner or important other present (conjoint or couples therapy) might be helpful for you to reach your goals.



I will be glad to meet with you to sort out these complex matters and implement a plan of action with you!

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If you would like to ask further questions or discuss a course of action to work on your relationship issues, please call (714) 290.1506 or email ([email protected]) me today to schedule an initial consultation.  Please ask about my FREE INITIAL CONSULTATION policy.  Don’t delay getting on with your life any longer!

DISCLAIMER:  Any materials and related content included in this website is provided as a service to the community and for informational purposes only. This website is not meant to provide answers to questions, nor is it meant to serve as a substitute for psychological advice. Steve Harris, Ph.D., makes no claims, promises or guarantees about the accuracy, completeness, or adequacy of the information contained herein. 

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