The topic of despair comes to mind this holiday season as many kinds of feelings emerge at this family time of year. While a joyous time, a time of celebration, giving, and inspiration, unresolved family issues, unsuccessful relationships, and other disappointments can surface for some as well. These bad feelings can be magnified at this time of year. Unfulfilled longings, loss, breakups, and loneliness to name a few, can create some harsh and desperate feelings. Sometimes the desperation can be ended by connecting with someone, or by finding something else to be fulfilling. Others might try to stay busy, drink, or numb out with other methods to try not and feel it. All too often, these solutions often prolong the bad feelings (e.g., they are still there the next day). Sometimes it can feel like there is not a way out. The bad feelings can progress into despair and it can be hard to get out of despairing black holes. At its worst, when despair does not end, and a person cannot see a way out, and if progresses even further, unending despair can create feelings of suicide as the only escape. Obviously, this undesirable state is serious and one we want to avoid. This raises the question of how do we prevent the downward spiraling feelings of desperation from slipping into serious levels of despair. One potential problem is noticing that we do some things out of desperation that are only short-cuts. These often only lead to no change at all, or at its worst, can make us feel even worse in the long run. Although I cannot be exhaustive on ways to manage these feelings here, I will say that it is very important to try to connect, to feel and receive compassion and understanding from someone. It is hard to estimate the importance of what this means. This can be the hard part--getting past the bad feelings and fears that revealing such feelings at all, let alone during a season of what seems to be such a joyous time for so many, to tell someone what you are going through. Most people know what is like to suffer, and unless you have evidence that someone is unable to be receptive to such feelings, it can be very helpful to not hold it all inside, have someone understand, and stop feeling so alone. When efforts to break out of this kind of desperation break down, or if despair is becoming and enduring experience, especially if you or someone you know is unable to take positive experiences like this in, more help could be needed. The desperation and despair are important signals of something ailing that is usually crying out for help. Remember that addressing the negative can be a positive, like pulling the weeds out to reveal the beauty of the garden.
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