“Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike,” writes J. K. Rowling. Withdrawing with contempt, a cold-shoulder, taking "time-outs" from a conflict and never returning to them, and out-right stonewalling another can be a sign of deeper relationship difficulties. When I work with couples who exhibit these behaviors (of indifference) in my practice, it is much harder to to help them improve and can sometimes be what relationship researcher John Gottman calls one of the "Four Horseman of the Apocalypse." Gottman is referring to stonewalling as a sign that the relationship could be on its way out. Emotional investment, even negative behaviors such as anger, hostility, even hate, can indicate there is still a large emotional investment in the relationship. There is still room for saving a relationship where emotional investment still exists. Although unpleasant to experience such negative expressions, at least there is an indicator of where your partner is at. They still might be saying, "I don't like you or this relationship right now, but I would like it to be different." Indifference or cold emotional withdrawal is harder to gauge and may be signalling an end to investing further in the relationship. Although hard to know for sure, this should be assessed to see if the relationship can be preserved or not.
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