Many relationships aspire to be equal, or draw lines of authority as their religious customs and beliefs direct. However, sometimes a closer look at relationships reveals a different story. The balance of power, whether we prefer to call it that or not, is important to know for us to live with each other. Sometimes the seemingly over-dominant partner can be like the child who demands that everything be their way. Also a very dependent individual who seems to wield no power, can demand constant attention--this can be very powerful. Knowing our roles and how we work together is very important to the harmony (as well as the working out of the disharmony) in a relationship. Many couples have a real knack for this. The late president Gerald Ford was once asked something about who was more in charge in his marriage, and he answered (I roughly paraphrase) that depending upon the day or the task, it could be 75% himself and 25% Betty, or 25% himself and 75% Betty at another time. This appears to illustrate the flexibility and perhaps the communication necessary to respond to the demands of the relationship. The more this evolves with communication (particularly when the balance of power is promoting resentment) the more a couple can effectively work together. Probably more important than fixed roles, is communication and understanding what those roles will be.
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steve harris, phdLicensed Psychologist Archives
January 2022
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